Workin' it out....

I've got to put in a plug for my Kai. I just love that kid! Seriously, I'm in love. So I have to brag on him just a tad. He's brilliant, of course, but I am loving watching him mature lately. Last weekend, I went to an adoption conference called Tapestry. There were some amazing speakers, but the one that stuck out the most to me was one put on by a play therapist. Like many other people there, I THOUGHT I was playing with my kids. I was wrong. I learned that true play is spontaneous, joyful, fun, goal-free, and child-led. You may think you are playing with your child while you're playing Chutes and Ladders, but you're not. You are doing a play activity together, but in the classical sense, not playing. There's a goal involved -- playing by the rules and finishing the game. Play therapy is used as therapy for kids for a good reason. Talking is an adult form of communication. Kids communicate through play, and toys are their words. True play, therefore, transcends language and developmental age, and can tell you what's going on with your child.

To say that Kai can be controlling is an understatement. He wants to control everything, all the time. It inevitably leads to us butting heads, since I'm the parent you know? The speaker said that giving the child the control of the play time gives them an outlet for the need to be in control, which totally makes sense. Could it be this easy to improve Kai's behavior AND get to know him even better?? I was excited to try it out using the techniques that I learned, so today was the day. I had Zorka take Ian somewhere, turned off my computer and phones, and presented it to Kai.

The rules: Kai is in charge, and Mommy will do whatever he tells her to do, as long as no one gets hurt and things stay respectful. Kai gets to pick the toy or activity. Mommy asks no questions, and only makes statements so as not to take the lead in where the play goes. Kai chose little Matchbox cars and traditional wood blocks, and wanted to make a garage for the cars. So we played. I didn't think it was going anywhere, until....

He brings in a large car to include in the play, and brings a little car next to it. He says, "These 2 cars don't look alike, but the little car is the big one's kid. They're family now." Interesting, considering we're adopting, right? Then he brings more and more big cars over, and as they come, the doors open and more "kids" get out to join the family. He said that the cars are bringing kids from Ethiopia, and then adds that kids are coming from ALL over the world to be in our family. Notice how the cars have become people? Then, after we have lots and lots of kids in our family (I think he was up to about 100), he said that all the kids in our family need a school to go to (he just started Kindergarten this year). So he got out the giant Legos and started to make our school. He said that we need to make a name for it, and here's what he came up with: "Plano and Ethiopia Elementary School for Briola Kids". Then he made a label for it.

What a great experience! I learned that Kai is really really excited about our adoption, and wants lots of kids in our family. Amazing experience, amazing Kai. And it was all said through cars, blocks, and Legos, and a Mommy with a heart ready to listen.

Orphan Sunday

November 8th is "Orphan Sunday" -- a day when NGOs, churches, adoption agencies, and even ordinary folks like you and me take the time out to consider the plight of orphans all over the world. It doesn't matter what color you are. It doesn't matter what religion you believe in, or even if you believe in one. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight. It doesn't matter if you are childless or have a dozen kids. STOP for a moment. Stop the hectic, crazy pace that we call "normal" and think about THEM. All you parents out there -- stop and think about your children. Think about all the things that you and your kids take for granted. Enough food. Clean water. Clean clothes to wear. The opportunity to go to school. Think about all the times when YOUR child gets hurt. You're there to kiss their "boo boo" and make it all better, right? Think about your 4 year-old waking up screaming in fear from a nightmare. You sprint to their room, tell them it's going to be alright, wipe their tears away, and cradle them in your arms like you did when they were so very tiny, right? Think about the joy of giving your child a birthday or holiday gift. Think about the incredible look of wonder and surprise on their faces when they open it and it's exactly what they had wished for.

Now think about your child being without all those things. Without all those comforts we all take for granted every day. Without YOU. Utterly alone. Can you even picture my children, ages 5 and 3, living alone? The 5 year-old being the head of his "family" of two, scrounging for enough food for his little brother, and trying to keep him safe living on the street? I know we here in America don't like to think about stuff like that. It's not pretty. It's not happy, and it's hard to talk about. It IS reality.

I hear over and over again, "What a wonderful thing you are doing -- adopting an orphan, saving him from a life of despair, rescuing him." Wrong. The opposite is true. WE are the selfish ones. WE want another child in our family. WE want to grow in ways we, even now, can't imagine. WE are the lucky ones. Lucky that so many twists of fate, both miraculous and tragic, led us to our precious Shimeles and allowed him to become a part of our incomplete family. We alone did nothing special, nothing amazing. Nothing that many, many other people have done and are capable of doing. It is what WE were meant for, and Shimeles was meant for us.

Adoption isn't for everyone. International adoption isn't for everyone. Transracial adoption isn't for everyone. But there are so many other ways to help if adoption is not for you. Think about them. Think about their everyday reality. Think about a toddler who doesn't know what it means to feel "full" because she's never had enough to eat in her lifetime. Think about a child who has never had the luxury of feeling safe, and the opportunity to let his guard down and stop being vigilant, even for a minute. Think about your kids not having a childhood. Now think about how much you have. Think about how fortunate you really are. Think about how lucky you are to have been born into the family that you were. What can you do? Take one minute and 35 seconds to watch the video below, and just think about it.

Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Nesting

Since Eli will be our 3rd boy, and not a baby (even though he's MY baby), we aren't having a baby shower, and an adoptive pregnancy (as all adoptive moms know) is received much differently than a biological one, I am nesting in my own OCD way. This includes finishing up all the little around-the-house projects that I have left to do, getting completely organized, and doing a few little special things to make Eli feel welcome. So, with Heather Prestenberg, aka "The Craftiest Crafter Who Ever Crafted a Craft", as my inspiration, I removed all the boys' letters from their walls and gave them a makeover. I must say, I'm pretty happy with the results. Kai and Ian are both thrilled with their new letters, and yes, Kai picked pink hearts to adorn his name letters. That's my boy! Enjoy.

We have our court date!!

Finally! After waiting out the excruciating Ethiopian court closure, our coordinator called us today to inform us that NOVEMBER 9TH is our big day. It's later than we wanted (of course), but we will absolutely take it. Court is the BIG day in adoption that Shimeles becomes our legal son. So, thinking positively and assuming that we pass court the first time, that would put us in Addis Ababa to pick up our little prince right around January 4th/5th. January 4th is our 7 year wedding anniversary, and January 5th is my birthday! And what a perfect present he is.

Way to go, Ian!!

Ok, for all of you who have read back to older posts, we were trying to come up with ways to get Ian to ditch his beloved Binkie. Well, it has happened! I went with the cut-off-the-tips-gradually method -- every time they came out of the dishwasher, I snipped another sliver off the ends. Last week, instead of giving them to him at bedtime, I slid them underneath his pillow. He was super-tired, and fell asleep without them! The next night, I didn't offer or give them to him, and he was fine. YAY!!!

I'm so proud of my little guy for lots of reasons, and I'm so blessed to be his Mom. He continues to amaze me every day in his recovery and the shedding of his diagnosis. You rock Ian!