Workin' it out....

I've got to put in a plug for my Kai. I just love that kid! Seriously, I'm in love. So I have to brag on him just a tad. He's brilliant, of course, but I am loving watching him mature lately. Last weekend, I went to an adoption conference called Tapestry. There were some amazing speakers, but the one that stuck out the most to me was one put on by a play therapist. Like many other people there, I THOUGHT I was playing with my kids. I was wrong. I learned that true play is spontaneous, joyful, fun, goal-free, and child-led. You may think you are playing with your child while you're playing Chutes and Ladders, but you're not. You are doing a play activity together, but in the classical sense, not playing. There's a goal involved -- playing by the rules and finishing the game. Play therapy is used as therapy for kids for a good reason. Talking is an adult form of communication. Kids communicate through play, and toys are their words. True play, therefore, transcends language and developmental age, and can tell you what's going on with your child.

To say that Kai can be controlling is an understatement. He wants to control everything, all the time. It inevitably leads to us butting heads, since I'm the parent you know? The speaker said that giving the child the control of the play time gives them an outlet for the need to be in control, which totally makes sense. Could it be this easy to improve Kai's behavior AND get to know him even better?? I was excited to try it out using the techniques that I learned, so today was the day. I had Zorka take Ian somewhere, turned off my computer and phones, and presented it to Kai.

The rules: Kai is in charge, and Mommy will do whatever he tells her to do, as long as no one gets hurt and things stay respectful. Kai gets to pick the toy or activity. Mommy asks no questions, and only makes statements so as not to take the lead in where the play goes. Kai chose little Matchbox cars and traditional wood blocks, and wanted to make a garage for the cars. So we played. I didn't think it was going anywhere, until....

He brings in a large car to include in the play, and brings a little car next to it. He says, "These 2 cars don't look alike, but the little car is the big one's kid. They're family now." Interesting, considering we're adopting, right? Then he brings more and more big cars over, and as they come, the doors open and more "kids" get out to join the family. He said that the cars are bringing kids from Ethiopia, and then adds that kids are coming from ALL over the world to be in our family. Notice how the cars have become people? Then, after we have lots and lots of kids in our family (I think he was up to about 100), he said that all the kids in our family need a school to go to (he just started Kindergarten this year). So he got out the giant Legos and started to make our school. He said that we need to make a name for it, and here's what he came up with: "Plano and Ethiopia Elementary School for Briola Kids". Then he made a label for it.

What a great experience! I learned that Kai is really really excited about our adoption, and wants lots of kids in our family. Amazing experience, amazing Kai. And it was all said through cars, blocks, and Legos, and a Mommy with a heart ready to listen.